April update: Ray determined he actually is not demisexual.
I want to apologize for any confusion that my demisexual post caused. I misunderstood the below difference. I just prefer to wait to have sex.
It’s important to keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for a relationship to get serious before having sex and only having sexual attraction at all if a relationship — platonic or romantic — becomes serious.
https://scretladyspider.medium.com/here-are-7-signs-you-might-be-demisexual-544aa37e3f05
Original Post
I am going to filter what I share in this post more than usual because I am nervous that I could disclose something that I would regret. Since I value the friendships that I have with some of my previous dates, I do not want to lose these friendships by sharing something that could make them feel uncomfortable. I realize people usually write about their dating thoughts in a private journal. I am deciding to publicly share my dating thoughts in hopes that it spurs more discussion and encourages people to feel more comfortable sharing their own dating thoughts. Due to the national mental health crisis and how psychiatrists keep telling me that they are too busy to schedule a new patient until February, I hope that this post can help someone find a place to discuss what they are thinking as they wait to meet with a psychiatrist.
As I have shared in previous posts, I have struggled with dating and improving my work-life balance. My car-free lifestyle already makes dating in the car-dependent US challenging. While my family and many friends have encouraged me to buy a car to improve my dating chances, especially since I can afford to buy and maintain a car, I have so far resisted their advice. I am holding out hope that I will marry a woman who is attracted to my car-free lifestyle. I actually went on dates in Memphis, Portland, DC, and the San Francisco Bay Area with car-lite women who supported my car-free lifestyle. I am still friends with some of them.
Due to the mental and physical health benefits of walking and biking, I honestly find it surprising that some of my previous dates have viewed my car-free lifestyle as a red flag. Yes, I realize driving is faster than walking or biking in most places in the US. As someone who values slowing down and trying to live in the moment, I wish more people in the US would understand how slowing down our lives can improve our personal health and the health of our communities. In case you are wondering how slowing down can improve the health of our communities, I recommend reading this post that I published.
Why is dating a demisexual viewed as a red flag?
Informing my date that I identify as demisexual feels like another red flag because few of my previous dates have enjoyed finding out about this preference. I originally thought women would view dating a demisexual as a green flag due to how important I thought creating a strong emotional bond is to having a healthy, long-term relationship.
My dates have been more interested in rushing to have sex than creating a strong emotional bond before having sex. Since a woman has never wanted to discuss the possibility of having sex with me, it felt good to finally (yes, I am 33) have a woman say that she was attracted enough to discuss our sexual preferences. Despite being emotionally and physically attracted to her, I did not want to rush having sex. I wanted to develop our emotional bond further. I am very thankful that she was willing to be honest with me about how we did not have good enough chemistry to have sex.
I am adding this paragraph on February 27, 2024. I am still close friends with the woman who broke up with me on Christmas Eve. Since I am 33 years old, like the man who shared his straight sex experience difficulties in this article, I am thankful to my friend that she did not have sex with me to just be kind. I honestly do not know if I would have had the courage to break up with her to prevent us from experiencing what the couple in the article is experiencing. Getting a taste of being physical with her was an amazing experience. Hopefully, someday, I will meet a woman who feels the same way. I definitely do not want to be the only person who has an amazing experience when being physical. We are enjoying our friendship, which may not have been possible if she did not have the courage to tell me that she wanted to be friends instead of lovers.
I feel that my previous dates’ desire to rush to have sex meant that they only wanted to have a short-term relationship with me. I thought we were on the same page about wanting a long-term relationship. While we could have been on the same page, I find it interesting how differently we approached nurturing the long-term relationship. I do not want to embarrass my previous dates, so I am just going to share that we agreed to be friends instead of lovers. Thankfully, some of my previous dates have become close and supportive friends. What do you think of me being a demisexual? Since many people do not seem to really understand what it means to be demisexual, do you understand what a demisexual is?
Due to how important I thought creating a strong emotional bond is to having a healthy, long-term relationship, I related to what is written in this post. I hope to someday meet a woman who desires me for being a demisexual. We can be nerds and do fun, non-sexual activities together as we strengthen our emotional bond before discussing sex. I honestly have never had a dating relationship last long enough to create a strong emotional bond. I wish I knew how much time I would need to create a strong emotional bond with a date. Maybe I will learn this about myself in 2024!
I added the below Instagram post because it relates to how I am feeling about my previous dating experiences. I enjoyed reading the supportive comments below the post. I am glad to see I am not alone in wanting to use this approach to dating.
Due to how much I relate to the nerds in The Big Bang Theory and their dating struggles, I am not surprised that I found a relevant clip about postponing sex. The relevant part starts in the second half of the clip, but the entire clip is funny. Do you think a woman that wants to postpone sex like Leslie Winkle exists in real life?
I actually found a more extreme dating situation from Sheldon and Amy’s date night experiment. I realize this experiment just shows actors, but I like how patient Amy was to plan this type of non-sexual date two years into dating Sheldon. Yes, even I laughed at the idea of not having sex with someone after dating for two years!
Future Blog Post
I plan to return to my normal blogging style in the future. I am excited to share more about the Safe Streets and Roads for All (SS4A) Action Plan process that I am managing. I hope 2024 brings all of us personal and professional things to love and care about!
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